Tick Tock...

Surgery is in two weeks. Tomorrow my brother and I will visit Guy's for our pre-admission tests and some other stuff.

I am very surprised at just how calm I feel. All this time I thought I was being strong for my family, when really I was being strong for me. Truth be told I feel a little stronger each day. Sure, I'm having freaky dreams and the op is never far from thoughts, but surely that's all natural? I mean I'm having surgery that I don't need. I keep waiting for a meltdown, the kind I usually have at pressure moments, but nothing. There is still time....

I've never had a lot of confidence in myself or my abilities, I am the first to criticise myself and usually harshly, I have never been able to take compliments or praise very well, I usually just laugh or shrug it off.  Lately though, I feel transformed, I feel like my sparkle is returning and I can't help but think that maybe, my brother isn't the only person to benefit from this transplant. I am too.

I am seeing myself very differently lately and even thinking differently too. The "I can't do its" or the "I'm not good enoughs" have diminshed greatly. Sure they haven't gone completely but they definitely aren't as loud.

The great thing about all of this is not only have I begun to discover myself, but everytime I look at my big brother, now and in the future, I will always be reminded of the gift he gave to me, not just the gift I gave to him.

WOW, that's so corny!! Sometimes real talk is, I'm afraid.